Time with your teens - Part 2

The Greek Philosopher Heraclitus said, ‘You cannot step into the same river twice, for fresh waters are ever flowing in upon you.’

Times have always changed, but over my life time so far, the change has become very rapid. Much is very good but sadly, a lot can only be regarded as bad, and in many ways.

Teenage years are lovely, maturing years, if the teenager is guided sensibly and wisely, given some freedom - but not too much, and is given and will accept continued parental support and input. But these years can become a nightmare, not only for parents but for the teenager himself or herself, if the he or she travels a road that leads to possible ill health or even destruction. The problem at this age is that decisions are made with impetuousness, lack of knowledge, as a result of peer pressure, and information given can be ignored.

When I grew up the most that teenagers could do was to be later home than their parents wished them to be on a Saturday evening. Occasionally, a teenager became pregnant and, rather than leaving home and setting up in a flat by themselves, the fortunate few would live at their family home with the child. Usually they would be expelled from school and their young life was over. If their parents were unsympathetic, they would end up in a mother and baby unit and their baby would be adopted. At that time there was no awareness allowed, information given or help available for contraception, but, even so, teenage pregnancy was relatively uncommon.

There was no mass media as such, only the radio and films, and no TV. No female of any age went to drink in a pub, unless she was a prostitute. Alcohol could not be bought by the under 18 yrs and was only available, other than in a pub, at a designated ‘off- licence’ shop.

There was no local or even widespread circulation or taking of drugs of addiction. These were not in the normal, general teenage awareness of our day. At University I was only ever made aware of one person who experimented in this way. The story was told, as it was newsworthy and unusual, that he tried amphetamines. This was presumably to help keep awake to study before an examination, but he simply wrote gibberish, as a result, and failed. We all thought he had behaved very stupidly and it ‘served him right!’

Now, I am not in any way preaching about ‘the good old times’ as in many ways they were not.

My eldest brother and I were talking about our younger lives.

‘You know, I think we were brought up in possibly the best era’, he said.
He could say this, even though, in our village we had no electricity until he was 16 yrs of age. After school, he couldn’t follow his first choice of career. Why? He was intelligent but he did not obtain a place at University as he failed his French several times, yet at the same time obtaining all the necessary grades in the subjects of his choice at the high level required. This would not happen today, but, such were the rules. French language was not his choice, but a necessity for going to University at that time.

At 18 years of age, he had to do National Service in the army and went to Suez, a war zone at the time, where a close colleague was killed. Two years of his young life were taken from his choice, but he felt, with hindsight, that those years, of a totally different and difficult experience, helped him to mature. Yet, despite everything, he has had a successful and, apparently, contented life.

Now, in retirement he is following his dream of painting, a dream that had to be put aside as he had to earn his living and provide for his family. He paints in different media, but prefers watercolours. He can just enjoy his hobby and skill without the pressure of earning a living, though he does sell some of his paintings. It is in the same ‘mode’ that I write, having retired from very busy professional work as a psychiatrist.

My brother has produced the delightful small pictures to some of the metaphorical story poems in my book ‘Growing Up’ (see my website on resources). A few are ‘authentic’ pictures, e.g. for the poem ‘the Doll’s house’. He read the poem and knew exactly which doll’s house I wrote about. It was at our grandmother’s house and had been made by her father for his young daughters.

My brother gave me the pictures as a gift and we both agreed that £1 from the sale of each of those books should be given to a children’s charity. I have chosen ‘The Smile Train’ as one of these charities at this time.

He has also created the four pictures for my novel, Beyond Mercy. He had not read the prepared book before he painted the picture. I just gave him the request, over the phone, as to what I needed. When you read the book, you will see how perfect they are for the story.

But, the important point I want to make, by telling you this, is that we had made no major or irretrievable mistakes in our teenage years. His artistic abilities simply lay dormant, and were still there, as if waiting for the right time to be used, and my creative writing skills were asleep as I was occupied in only writing what was necessary. I have now retired from my work, and it is never too late – with one proviso – that your brain remains undamaged by foolishness.

How glad I am of the supervision and values of my parents. They may have seemed quite strict at the time. I have cast their religious beliefs aside after much thought and deliberation. My belief in God and a ‘hereafter’ is unshakeable and does not require the doctrines and ‘rules’ of religion. The core values that were instilled by their love and care have remained intact and been passed on to my children and now to my grandchildren.

I too, like my brother, think we grew up in a good era. But I have more reservations. Medical care and treatment are now so much more advanced than in those years. I can contemplate, if I want to be morbid, on how different my life of coping with severe asthma would have been, had I been born now.

But, in comparison to today, the teenage years were relatively safe and most teenagers were still very much under the control and care of their parents.

In the present climate, drugs are available; drug pushing and drug taking is rife. Sexually transmitted diseases have become less amenable to treatment and are often fatal, while, at the same time, sexual behaviour has increased in a most irresponsible and reckless way.
Evil, targeting one of the most vulnerable ages of life, the teenage years, has surfaced. It is in a form which, once it takes hold, does not want to relinquish that power. The evil of drugs of addiction has gradually covered the globe.

Our teenage years were just after the Second World War. So many young men and women, only just out of their teens and from families up and down the land, had been lost during those years. Family life and even life itself, for both rich and poor, was precious, probably as never before or since.

Let us hope that another calamity of mammoth proportions has not to be necessary to bring back sense and sensibility into many teenage. In my opinion, it really is down to parental responsibility, care and protection. Those qualities must begin before birth and continue, consistently, respectfully and with the guiding star being ‘love’, through to independence to have the necessary strength through difficult times.

To be continued:

Copyright©A Coatesworth